Power (scene log feat. cckitten)

(This one... Is a true story. What did YOU do last night?)

--

Words have power. The simplest phrases can turn the tone of an experience in a moment.

As she is touching my breasts, caressing me as we lay in bed together, I find a very clear desire in my head, sharp and cutting through the late-night haze.

And in that moment, I am overcome with the sense of power to take what I want.

"I want you to be *obsessed* with my pleasure."

She is not expecting it; I feel her body twist and convulse against me and the thrill of it hummed in my belly like a drug. I can't stop. I don't want to. Ever.

"My pleasure is the single important thing to you right now. Giving me pleasure is so deeply ingrained as a part of you. Feeling my responses and reactions is what you were *made* for."

Her touch is becoming more and more desperate. I'm getting off on how much I can twist her will. So is she.

"Everything about this experience of giving me pleasure fulfills and satisfies the deepest parts of you. You were made to please me. You were always meant to please me."

She is shaking, a little. Her fingers are becoming more enthusiastic. She's struggling to keep it feeling good for me with so much intensity in her own mind. I know all of this without words.

"The best part is that this is a learning process, learning how to better bring me pleasure. A learning process with moments of extreme intensity, and moments of a more quiet, slow burn... That ebb and flow is just so perfect and embeds itself inside of you so you can better focus on pleasing me..."

This forces her to stay in the experience even when I stop talking to enjoy the pleasure she is bringing me.

...I am fucking close. I can't stop strings of words from coming out to bend her further.

But I know tonight I won't get there without her mouth.

I grab her head and shove her whole body down the bed and between my thighs. She is breathing heavy on my cunt, so excited.

Her tongue is so very sweet...

I'm going to cum from my favorite toy tonight

My favorite toy that wants nothing more than to give me pleasure

...That I will make to later BE NOTHING but giving me pleasure

"My orgasm is what you live for right now," I tell her, and that's it, she's slowing to my favorite tease with her tongue, "Because my orgasm is the most perfect way of giving me pleasure and that is the most important thing for you... And when it comes you will feel it in your whole being..."

I need to stop talking to cum... Starting to lose focus myself... Scratching her neck. Face. Head. Want to hurt her. Want to keep her as engaged as her brain can handle.

"You are keeping yourself in trance for me with your own tongue... Focusing on that rhythm... on the feeling that gives me... until you bring me to that point..."

So, so fucking good.

And eventually, she got her reward. The most important thing in her world for that moment.

My control, my pleasure, my training, my orgasm.

--

cc will have instructions to read this, and potentially other things I give her periodically to remind her of her place. She *will* be trained into my personal pleasure toy. And training never ends...

The Naming (10/14)

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Clay

Asleep, in that very special way, in that very special place. Quiet, withdrawn, listening with passive excitement. Open, laying down in DaSade's arms, on the floor. The discomfort, if there is any, is unnoticed at best and irrelevant at worst.

As he speaks to me, I can feel the shift of when he clicks with something; finds an idea and a metaphor he wants to latch onto. It's subtle but thrilling every time; exploring with him as he does so with me.

I feel his fingers run across my scalp, and then feel them reach into my mind.

Coffee

DaSade and I get coffee on Sundays. It is our tradition; it's our time out together, to chat and process and just be in each others presence. Sometimes we have a lot to say, sometimes there are many quiet moments while we sit and look across the table at one another. Reading expressions, talking without saying anything. Hearing so much in just our breaths.

This was one of those times. We would have our bursts of conversation, but fall back into that appreciative silence.

There is a back corner of the coffeeshop we're in; usually we're sitting there at one of the tables a little further from the ears of others, but today, the room is being cleaned, so we are out front. My back is to that room, currently closed off by a sliding door.

“Look at the door behind you.” I give him an inquisitive eyebrow, not wanting to ogle something I shouldn't, but he's waiting for me to complete the instruction. I turn, and look for anything out of place, but it's just as it was before.

My eyes return to his. I don't speak.

His voice is low, words meant just for me, and he doesn't break eye contact:

“In your mind's eye...”

Magic words. Words that engage a special part of me; not by post-hypnotic suggestion, but purely by association, expectation, practice.

NEEHU5: Intro-ish

NEEHU5. My second year. A lot has changed... but my excitement remains. As the date approaches, it transforms once again from “that thing on the calendar that you had to pull teeth at work to get time off for” to a real, genuine, happening-oh-my-god thing. The internets are abuzz and it's easy to get intimidated and caught up in the undertow, simultaneously. So many familiar faces and usernames, all to be in one place. My pulse races when I check the group postings.

I miss all of you.

And all of this.

Since last year, I've done very little hypnosis as compared to all the Other Stuff I've been up to. I haven't had the time, and quite frankly, Other Stuff has been quenching certain thirsts for the time being.

My play partnership with DaSade was going strong through NEEHU4 but blossomed into a capital-R Relationship (and spread to include his wife, cckitten) in November. We have been exploring and bonding for the past few months, and to my pleasant surprise, the two of them would be attending NEEHU5 (perhaps not entirely without my influence, if unintended).

DaSade is not into hypnosis. The play we do together is heavily psychological, which is part of why we work so well together, but hypnosis is not something he was interested in. His reasons for going to the conference were to learn, to be able to converse with me and others, and to see where that took him.

Cckitten was new to everything as well, but she and I had already talked about me hypnotizing her. I had spent the past couple months teasing her about just when that was going to happen, setting up her expectations and playing with her anticipation. And of course a healthy amount of conditioning.

The week prior, I set up a trigger with her as a mutual gift for DaSade's birthday, which just so happened to be the Thursday of NEEHU5.

But that was the extent of our experience with hypnosis as a triad. I was really looking forward to introducing them to my community. I take pride in my trancey people. I wanted to show this group of people off to my chosen family, and conversely, show off my relationship to my community.

A mixing of worlds, flavored by the thrill of new and old friends, and the one topic in this world for which my passion runs the deepest.

DaSade and cc, meet hypnosis. Hypnosis, meet my couple.

Let's do this.

The Little Things (short moment)

cckitten (of DaSade) and I have been more involved as of late. Our play is hot and clicks well; she is a great bottom to my sadistic top. Recently, she expressed an interest in hypnosis and trance with me, and while we have not had that full scene yet (I am a big fan of the Long Game and Opportune Moments), there have been a few moments along the way that push my happy psychology buttons.

I would like to share one of those.

–

She and I (DaSade in the background) are chatting on Skype between visits. We're talking a bit about her mannerisms and attributes and how that relates to play.

She may seem compliant, she says, but that's not entirely accurate. I know she's right; she doesn't have an attitude, persay; just a robust personality.

“I'm really independent,” she explains, “I don't really, like... smile and nod.”

I grin.

“You might if I asked you to.”

She laughs, then bows her head down for a moment; she does that when she's embarrassed or caught off guard. I get that lovely little thrill when I see it.

And then she looks up, grinning too, and nods.

NEEHU 4: Thursday

NEEHU 4: Thursday

This series will be my magnum opus of kink.

This post is preceded chronologically by the prologue.

Only posted 3 months later, almost to the day... I'm looking at you, people that joked it would be a 6 month wait!

–

Thursday, March 14^th, 9:30 pm

–

I pull into a spot at the hotel and scramble for my phone, hastily, even as I put the car into park.

First, I text SpiralTurquoise (Spiral! Who-was-the-first-person-I-ever-really-talked-to!) to tell him that I'm there. He had texted me when he arrived.

And then I shuffle through my contacts, press the “call” button, and Mephki (Mephki! Who-runs-the-con-and-who-I-haven't-seen-in-a-year!) says, “suite 611,” after we exchange hellos. So I drag my luggage out of my backseat, fumbling with the keys when I go to lock the door. The wheels of my suitcase bump merrily against the pavement as I set off, and my pace threatens to throw it off course.

I'm here. The night air is chilly, but the hotel looming above me promises warmth.

On Pain, featuring a snippet from That Time He Broke Me

I know this isn't the NEEHU posts yet... but I have been writing! And I wanted to update. Might be worth noting here that I always have safewords.

--

It is very, very easy to write about hypnosis. With hypnosis, I know how to get the desired response out of my reader. It is the response I got out of myself. I know how to put into words the mindset and the sensations and the state of being. It is familiar; it is enjoyable.

It is very, very hard to write about pain.

The descriptors I use become meaningless words on a page, pixels on a screen. “Pain” does no justice to the way I'm made to scream when I'm hit, the way the impact burns and the way that sensation overwhelms me. I am left unsatisfied when I read over the snippets of my masochistic scenes. There is simply no written comparison to how the fear grips at me and holds me shaking in desperation.

I fixate, in my mind, on those tiny moments when everything is too real, when those countless blows that have come before have left me an absolute mess, twisting away in terror, aching and sore.

There is no way I can express how utterly sincerely I beg for it to stop; there is no way I can express how it feels when my pleas are ignored.

I do not yet know how to write about the tears, how to explain what it feels like when I am so helpless and abused out of my control that there is nothing left for me to do but cry. Nothing can compare to that moment of realization; panicked, desperate, defeated.

Broken.

It is hard to accept that I can't make my words on pain as accessible as my words on pleasure. I'm left to close my eyes and dig my nails into my palm and replay the scene in my mind. Intensity is lost when I put those thoughts down. The ability to relate is lost when I put those thoughts down.

It is very, very hard to show why I like to be hurt.

But I will keep trying.

--

Snippet follows.

The Time I Finally Felt Comfortable Saying I Was a Masochist (and Other Memories)

I was hesitant to put this up. None of this has to do with hypnosis, though the usual suspects (AmHypnotic and MentalConfetti, namely) were around. I'm certain trancey fun happened that night, but that's not what this blog is about. This blog is about my masochistic side, and I'll warn that it was one of the most intense scenes (emotionally and physically) I've ever had in that respect.

It was Halloween.

To be more accurate, it was 10/27/12.

Imagine, if you would, what you might think a BDSM dungeon normally looks like... Lights a bit dimmed, shining on all sorts of equipment; tools, interesting furniture scattered around the main space; chains, boards studded with O-rings, St. Andrew's crosses... Much of it follows a black-and-red theme; a little bit stereotypical, just for the fun of it.

Now imagine what that dungeon would look like when all decked out for a Halloween party.

I was in the Misty costume I made 3 years ago (and used almost every year since). Almost everyone else was dressed appropriately as well. The space was buzzing with activity and excitement, Halloween-themed scenes left and right, and candy was our main source of sustenance.

DaSade and I got to have quite a bit of fun that night.

Boston Invasion, Or, the Six-and-a-Half-Page-Scene

Getting blog posts out without obsessing over them too much is always a goal. So when I started writing this night down and was 3 pages but less than halfway through the first scene, I decided we'd focus on that. Also, the NEXT Boston Invasion event is coming up, and I figured I should get the one from FOUR MONTHS AGO out of the way before going. :)

10/6/12. Just a week after our incredible, extended shenanigans from Photo Night (and the sleepover with AmHypnotic and MentalConfetti the night before) was an event at Our Local Dungeon(TM) called “Boston Invasion”, where kinksters from the scene came down in droves (read: tens) for a night of play and activities. I knew it was going to be well-attended, and DaSade (a member on the board, who I'd played with before) had asked me, a while beforehand, if I wanted to help provide entertainment for the night.

Namely, he was looking for someone to be a “victim” in a predicament bondage scene that was to be a “dinner show” of sorts for the guests.

When I got the invitation from him, I think I had to bite my lip around a squee. A predicament bondage show? My kinky, exhibitionist self was overjoyed at the idea. I accepted readily, and so, we began to make plans.

The Weekend (9/28 - 9/29)

Only 3 months late! *cough* So... this is long. Almost Hypnoclub-long. And similarly eventful. Sorry I glance over a few parts here and there, but I needed to get this out. HERE WE GO.

--

I can’t tell you how happy I was to be lying face-down, shirtless, on AmHypnotic’s floor while MentalConfetti, also shirtless, drew on my back and Dragonball Z Abridged played on the TV through an VGA cable.

So, how was your Friday night?

MentalConfetti, a while ago, once threw out the idea of a sleepover at AmHypnotic’s place to me. I agreed heartily, hypothetically. But I didn’t really think it would come to fruition... at least, perhaps not so soon.

A month before this begins, I checked the calendar to our local BDSM dungeon to see if there would be any photo days, as pictures are not allowed normally in the space, and I do enjoy having photos for myself. When I saw that there would be one in the semi-near future, I mentioned it to MentalConfetti to see if she and AmHypnotic might want to go. Later, she said that they could both make it, and I was quite pleased with our plans.

And then, maybe a day later, she asks if I might want to sleep over AmHypnotic’s apartment the night prior.

Usually... (Short)

I'm making tons of progress on longer posts, but I had had had to post this.

Usually, my orgasms don’t last that long, even when hypnotically triggered or enhanced. Longer than normal, certainly, but not as long as I’ve seen other girls go for. It’s almost always a peak-and-done affair.

...Usually.

AmHypnotic started teasing me quite seriously after I had gotten home from visiting family for an extended break that involved zero orgasms. Quite a bit longer than I’m used to, actually. My brain was rather forthcoming with that information when I was told to tell him something he needed to know.

Well, maybe that’s an understatement. My brain also decided that it was necessary to relay said information using LOTS OF CAPS.

The Second Dungeon Visit feat. A Recap, an Explanation, and an Apology

Alright...

Ahem.

Basically in the last 3 months... tons stuff at the dungeon has happened, it has all been lots of fun. I was going to tell you in excruciating detail, and then work / life / stress happened, and I couldn't.  I'm being commanded to not stress about it, so I'm being a good obedient girl.

I apologize to my readers who wanted to see fully fleshed-out posts for all three of these, but the length of time that’s gone by makes it really difficult to get certain details on paper, and it’s preventing me from working on any current material.

That being said and out of the way, I still have 10+ pages of unfinishedish material on these three events I was going to write about. And I really do want to post some sort of summary or update on what the heck I've been getting up to. So this post will hopefully serve as a recap and summary of sorts of the first event, chronologically, with bits of the original posts put in. This post in particular was already almost finished... so it will probably be the closest to a fully-fledged narrative.

So, let’s begin where we left off... With MentalConfetti and AmHypnotic, at the mall and shopping for an outfit before an event, later that night, at the dungeon.

My First Time at a Dungeon, feat. AmHypnotic and SpringofHope, or, Happy Birthday to Me feat. Hypnosis and Rope

Fondly known, sometimes, by my friends and I as “that time I went to a BDSM dungeon”.

August 5^th was my 21^st birthday, and for a while now I have been planning on going to the dungeon near me, where you need to be 21 or older to get in. AmHypnotic approved of this plan and told me he (and MentalConfetti) would be there on the 11^th. I marked the date down in my calendar, and waited.

And before I knew it, I was on the highway to get there, bursting with excitement and singing along merrily and obnoxiously to my “I’m driving” playlist.

The Barbeque; or, the Story of Bacon, Rope, and Hypnosis: 5/26

(In terms of chronology, for the lazy, this post comes after AmHypnotic's 101 class and before hypnoclub.)

In the span of one week, I had completely popped / exploded my meet-kinksters-IRL cherry. May 20th was the wonderful erotic hypnosis 101 event held by AmHypnotic, and just 6 days later I planned to go to Boston and finally meet a couple people from the kink / hypno scene there. I had made fast friends with oneEyedstranger in chat, and, hearing that I was going to be in the area, he promptly decided to hold a casual barbeque / potluck movie night at his place. The lovely mephki also planned to be in attendance, and due to the extremely short time period in which this gathering was planned, we were correct in assuming that it was probably going to be just us three.

I was incorrect, however, in assuming that there would be no play.

The Wonders of Rapport and Thoughts on Trance Medium; or, Text Fun with AmHypnotic

Yes, yes, go ahead and gloat at the existence of this post; you know who you are, and the rest of the readers probably know too.

I am no stranger to the idea of text trances. But, until semi-recently, I never thought they would be terribly effective with me. I think this is because I never saw how they could be very effective without the feedback (from both the subject and ‘tist) that voice / video / real life can offer. How can the subject hear the proper inflection in the hypnotist’s voice? How can the ‘tist properly read the subject’s responses through such a limited medium? These questions and ideas prevented me from wanting to use text to trance very much at all. That voice, in the back of my mind the whole time, saying “what if?” or “can they even tell xyz?” or “how can I offer enough feedback to make this work?”

These aren’t really problems when one has tranced face-to-face with someone before, and especially when there is a fantastic amount of rapport involved between the ‘tist and subject. So much so that the subject can figuratively or literally hear the hypnotist’s voice in the text, and the ‘tist can practically see the subject’s physical response without even needing more than a few pixels on a screen.

AmHypnotic and I, unsurprisingly, have rapport like that.

Playtime with Spiral Turquoise

Spiral Turquoise was essentially the first person to really get me into the online hypno-scene, almost two months ago now. Reading his blog and having him chat with me really opened up my interest with getting involved with everything. He's an all-around awesome person and I have a lot to thank him for.

After a bit of chat I mentioned that I had wanted to start thinking about possibly finding a trance partner on the internet, and I asked if he had any advice on how to go about it. He gave me some tips and then said, "and you can always ask me!" I mentally filed that away, until later, in a chatroom he mentioned that I should visit, when I saw him and heard him on the mic, saying something about his sexy, seductive hypnotist voice, in what I assumed to be said sexy, seductive hypnotist voice. I think that's when I said to him, "Alright. I'm officially asking for a trance now."

Hypnoclub 6/9

Foreword:

My life has been... interesting, lately. In my last post I talked about going to meet AmHypnotic for the first time, in person, for his 101 meetup. Since then, my involvement with the kink- and hypno-community has only become more pronounced. I had the wonderful opportunity to meet a friend of mine from chat, oneEyedstranger, and mephki. (That particular gathering will have its own post shortly, as well, as it was quite the experience.) After that, I took it upon myself to go to one of the hypnoclub meetings that mephki holds. And go figure... AmHypnotic was going to be there. We agreed beforehand that we would get to play there, and this time, in person.

This blog post, a recap and “homework assignment” from AmHypnotic himself, is going to be separated into a few different sections, and while they all flow together, I personally find it useful to compartmentalize things like this, because that’s how I think of them. It's long, I know. It's porny at parts, funny at parts, downright silly at parts. It's kind of a freaking novel, at 12 pages long. And now, without further ado...

My First Time

While cleaning out my hard drive, I came across this little gem that I wrote after hypnotizing my then girlfriend for the very first time. It was my first time putting anyone under, ever, and it was my first experience with hypnosis IRL period. This piece is now around 2 years old.


(hypnosis, D/s, mild humiliation, fd, ff)